barefoot and free.

August 1, 2015

We went on an adventure yesterday; 

The sun played a little too aggressively upon the sandy shore, which made the sand angry-- so when we removed our shoes it lashed out and burned our feet. We danced as quickly as we could to find refuge where the water kissed the shore.

He took my hand in his and led us into an adventure of the unknown. We waded through the murky water for a while, watching the patterns change as we sifted the sandy lake-bottom with our toes. I'm not sure what we talked about (probably because we talked about everything), but I know that the warmth of the sun on my skin felt somewhat similar to the warmth I felt within my heart. 

I like being in the same country. We shared words with each other for two whole years, I sent mine from Korea and he sent his from Norway; but I think like the real him better than I like the words-in-a-letter version of him. Not because I don't adore his words, but probably just because I can hug the real version of him. And I really like hugs.

It's neat to see how the seasons of our lives bring about new adventures and new discoveries. How something that once seemed so distant is now... not. How I'm still the same me I was two years ago... but not. How everything that has ever happened made this moment, the one we're living and breathing in right now, exactly what it is...

Life is full of new adventures and new discoveries. 
I'm grateful for everything that has ever happened to make my "right now" exactly what it is.

I think it's my favorite when strangers inquire, "How long have you known each other?" Because they always seem to tack on their own personal assumption, "Two or three months?" But when the words, "He's been my best friend since seventh grade..." slip from my lips the expression that is painted across their faces is always one that makes me really happy.

But it's true; he's been a part of my life since the seventh grade. 
And I think I'll keep him.

xoxo

bye-bye july.

July 31, 2015


//We dropped my sweet little sister off at the MTC (Missionary Training Center) this week. She's started her own eighteen month mission adventure and if I'm speaking frankly, I'm kind of jealous. It was weird to go through the whole process of sending off a missionary... and NOT be the one leaving. I must say, being on this side of things is hard. Oh, missions-- you love 'em but they cause so much emotional turmoil. Good luck, Jadie Lady. (I MISS YOU ALREADY.)

//Taylor Dale gets so much harassment for his beard. I personally like it. But then again, I've always loved facial hair. (I've tried to grow out a beard myself a couple of times but it just didn't go over too well. Okay-- sorry, that was a lame joke.) For the record, Tay, I like your beard.

//I've officially been home for two weeks. It's been quite the adventure. It's weird to be back in real life with all of the people who, at one point, seemed like nothing more than a dream. But they're real people and they're a real part of my life and sometimes I have to pinch myself to make sure that I'm not just dreaming. Sometimes I pinch Taylor too, just to make sure I'm not dreaming. 

//I've never been that great at making decisions. I was always that girl who refused to choose where to go out to eat and who always just ordered what everyone else ordered because MAN do I hate making decisions. But these days I've been making a lot of really big, life-changing decisions and it's been quite the experience. I'll probably elaborate eventually-- but for now just be content knowing that I'm a big girl now making big girl decisions.

I'm not really sure what else to say. I feel like it's going to take me a bit to get back in the spin of things here in the blogging society. But in order to give a kick-start to things, give me some questions to answer! It's time to re-introduce myself and my life and I'm not really sure how to go about doing that without questions to answer. 

So, what questions do you have for me?
Don't be shy.

xoxo

euphoria.

July 25, 2015

I think I've been replacing all the words that I used to have tucked away inside my head with memories and moments that I don't want to forget. Because it seems as if the days when words could flow easily from my brain and out my fingertips onto the computer screen have long-since passed. Maybe this is merely the result of learning a new language; you get stuck in this weird limbo world where you don't feel like you're fluent in any language anymore. (Except for sarcasm, of course. I'm really good at sarcasm.) 

I'm supposed to be preparing some things to say for my "homecoming" speech-talk-thingy that will be taking place at church tomorrow morning... but I can't seem to figure out words for that either. Words are hard, man. I never thought I'd be so bad at words. It's kind of sad, actually. But whatever.

My life is really good at going exactly the way I don't expect it to go. It's real entertaining. You'd think I'd have figured out by now how to expect the unexpected... but I suppose if I start expecting it, then it becomes the expected, and then the originally expected things would evolve into "unexpected" things and then THAT would happen instead. It's really confusing, actually. But it makes perfect sense. Logic.

I'm not complaining, though. I like the twists and turns. They cause butterflies in the tummy and lots of surprised squeals. Sometimes it brings about tears as well-- but I'm a full believer that there is adversity in all that is good. I also believe there's good in all adversity.

I say olive juice a lot, if you get what I mean.

xoxo

the littlest moments.

July 22, 2015

I keep finding myself all wrapped up in the littlest of moments; for example, sitting on the front room floor of my house while beloved faces that were such a part of my world in Korea become an integrated part of the life I have here at home. Cuddling up with my sweet, sweet nephew and watching silly movies that I haven't seen in... a really long time. Hiding my face in my hands and avoiding eye-contact in those first initial moments being with him again as I try to cope with the fact that the best friend I hadn't seen for two years was sitting right beside me-- there are so many moments. There are so many seemingly-insignificant details that make up the very thread-work of my reality. Because you see, when you put all those moments together-- the good and the bad and the happy and the sad-- they become a part of something more; they become a part of who I am and who I am becoming. And so I guess I kind of like finding myself wrapped up in the littlest moments. 

I'm just really, really, inexpressibly happy. And I am obviously okay with that. Life doesn't have to be complicated, twisted, or confusing. Sometimes, life can just make sense. Maybe not every little aspect and detail will be understood, but in the smallest moments, we can come to a bigger understanding of everything else around us. 

So I'm grateful for the moments. 
For all of the moments.

xoxo

waiting on the last hello.

July 17, 2015

Goodbyes and hellos go hand-in-hand, really. They're interlinked in a spinning cycle of hypothetical endings and beginnings-- "hypothetical," because I don't think that endings even exist. No matter what, we're always in the middle of living. And as life dances on into the unknown, being human beings, we often have this rather unfortunate tendency to label all of the brief pauses or changes in the circumstances of our existence as "endings."  But they aren't. They're just little puzzle pieces to the masterpiece of all that life was and is and will be-- so if you're in the middle of living is there even such a thing as "ends?" 

Okay, I think that at this very moment I am attempting to say a lot of things that can't actually add up to any sort of sensical thought in the real world (you know what I mean? Like, those brain processes that only make sense within the confines of a skull). But whatever, that's not even what's important right now. 

What's important is the fact that one of those hypothetical "new beginnings" is quickly approaching in my life and it's all going to start with a "hello." And this particular hello has been taunting my feels (via my imagination) for a very, very long time. If I'm being entirely honest, I'm actually having somewhat of a hard time fathoming the reality of my reality right now. Did that even make sense? Probably not. Which makes sense because my whole life doesn't make sense right now. HI, I'M OUT OF MY MIND. 

Anywho, I'm just really really excited for Tuesday. 
And let's leave it at that.

xoxo

Hi, America; I'm home.

July 16, 2015

Well, I spent an entire day on a plane, went backwards in time, had my second airport reunion with the good old fam-bam... and... here I am. Back in America. Back where this whole adventure began, But the difference is, I will be forever changed by all the memories and experiences that have been etched into my heart over the course of my mission. (That includes the three months I spent in between back here in America.)

There will never be words adequate enough to fully express the love I have for Korea, for the Korean people-- for everything about the opportunity I had to serve as a full-time missionary for the church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints in Korea. All I can say is that I am grateful. I am so impossibly grateful. And I will always remain grateful.

Well, it's been such an adventure. I guess that now it's just time for new adventures? 
And I've always liked adventures. 

xoxo

so I guess this is goodbye-- for now.

December 1, 2014

I've never really liked "goodbyes." Most of the time I just trick myself into thinking that I'll see the people I bid farewell to sooner rather than later. Which results in this strengthening thought that lingers in the very back of my mind and keeps whispering, "You'll see them again soon!" as long as my heart keeps longing to be with them.

I guess you could say I'm real good at ripping off the bandaid real fast. The quicker the better. Just get it all done at once, I say. The longer and more drawn out it is directly correlated with the pain that is felt in the process. This will be my second goodbye and I don't really know what to expect. I never know what to expect, to be honest. My emotions are entirely unpredictable. But I can guarantee you that the very moment I step off the plane in Korea and see my sweet mission president and his wife again for the first time.... I'm going to sob. Excessively, probably.

It's amazing how quickly time passes. Before I know it I'll be home for good-- but let's not think about THAT just yet. I've got nine glorious months left of my missionary adventure in Korea and I look forward to it with a heart full of hope.

So this is farewell, again-- but if you want to follow along on part two of "CaLea in Korea," then you can mozy on over to my mission blog and be a part of my journey there. (And who KNOWS what sort of adventures will occur in the last months of my mission? I mean-- in the first half I made my companion pee her pants in public, accidentally ended up in a bar on a sunday night, ate dog soup, and bathed in public with a plethora of Korean grandmas. It's a party.)

Stick around and I'll see ya when I see ya.
Oh, and we can be pen-pals if you want.
My letters are good and I always send cute stickers.

xoxo,

Sister CaLea Bagley

the ocean, the sky, and my favorite pair of eyes.

November 25, 2014

All of those things have one very important common factor; blue. I believe the majority of my life has been painted by various hues of blue. But recently the days of my existence have been brushed over with a variety of colors I've never really seen before. Red-- like blotchy, tear-stained cheeks, untimely frustrations, and tired eyes. Grey-- like rain kissed pavement, boredom, and the suitcases I've been so diligently packing. Yellow-- like sunshine and birthday balloons... 

They told me that the latest I'll be going back to my mission in Korea is December 18th. I may go earlier, but that's all dependent on the arrival of my visa. Which means I've only got a few weeks left here in America before saying goodbye again for another nine months. Absurd. I'd say I'm excited but I'm afraid that would be a bit of an understatement. 

I want to share my soul with the people I interact with; I want them to see that it's chipped and fraying in a few different places just because it's been well-used. I want them to see the way it changes colors along with my mood. I want them to see how it starts to glow when my heart whispers rumors of love into its very core. I want to share my soul with the people I interact with. But I suppose it's mostly just because I want others to share their souls with me. 

I'm leaving in a few weeks. But it's never too late to say, "Hello, my name is CaLea. My favorite color is blue and today I napped beneath a christmas tree and that made my happy." I guess that was my lame, half-attempt at a conversation starter. What's your name, what's your favorite color, and what made you happy today? The world is far more beautiful when people leave little fragments of their soul like glitter everywhere they go. 

xoxo